I, Robot (2004)

When I was in school one time my teacher made us read this book called I, Robot. I was pretty excited at the time! A book about robots instead of old english literature about girls falling in love with horses or whatever. Unfortunately, like most books this one let me down! It was just a bunch of short stories about scientists deducting things. Boring! And with out pictures it was impossible for me to stay interested!!!

So there i was today inspecting the dollar bin at best Buy, when I came across this movie! I had finally collected about 125 pennies and decided to grab a dollar bin movie to review and this one seemed to be the best of the bunch! The clerk made some snide comments about my method of payment and I made a mental note to write a letter to "Mitch"es manager.

Guess what! This movie isn't boring like the book! They completely removed the entire story and just kept the name! The only thing they left in from the book was this character Dr. Calvin who was some old lady psychiatrist and they turned her into a hot chick. Probably the best book to movie adaptation I have yet to see!

For a second there I thought this was going to be a good movie! I was excited!  But then I noticed that they kept talking about converse shoes. There was like a 10 minute scene where Will Smith was excited about getting some "vintage" 2004 converse and talks about how good they are for a long time. Then random people every 20 minutes in the movie stop and talk to him about how cool his converse are. What the heck??? Was this a commercial or a movie????



Check out this image. Now you've seen most of I, Robot.


Also I guess Will smith either forgot to read the script or had spent too much time doing his Fresh Prince show because he just kept acting like the Fresh Prince. Was this originally supposed to be Fresh Prince the movie and at the last second they changed their minds and just did CG around it to make Will Smith look like he was acting in a robot movie? His boss did kind of look like Uncle Phil...





Then at the end we find out that Will Smith is actually robocop! What the heck??? Could they just not afford to pay to use the robocop license or something??? It became really confusing as I was trying to figure out if this was I, Robot, Robocop or The Fresh Prince of bellair the Movie. Then also at the end everyone had flashlights. Like everyone!! Where did they all come from???? Also they bothered to make the old lady into a hot girl, and include a shower scene, but made the shower to foggy to see anything???

Despite being excited that they had fixed the original flawed novel it turns out that the writers of the script weren't any better at putting a good story together!!! Because of the confusion of trying to figure out what franchise they were working with and for 90% of this "film" being a commercial for converse shoes I have to dish out my lowest possible rating, ** two stars!

The Kings Speeches (2010)

Desperate to get out of the house I decided to actually go to the theater for once instead of just hopping on The Pirate Bay to download the latest dud. SSince I doubted it would make a difference in quality i just went and randomly chose a movie. The movie I chose was The Kings Speaches. I should have brought my bed because this one sure was a snoozer!!!

I had forgotten what it was like to see a movie with a room full of other people. Since this was some british movie it was nothing but old geezers and a few younger people who went so they could pretend to be coultered. They aren''t! I actually spotted a guy up front with a respirator. Did they have a field day at the old folks home or is the only movie that someone that ancient can watch? I guess when you've been in both WW1 and WW2 you don't really want to see a movie with a lot of explosions.

The movie was about as exciting as watching these old geezers slowly march up the stairs as they entered the theater. It focused on this guy who was trying to get his brother to stop being king so he could be king. He had the same problem with speech that i do when i'm attempting to converse with a girl. so what? do you think they'd be interested in making a movie about me? no of course not, it was only interesting because this was some rich snob! what the heck!!!



This came up in a google search for boring


for some reason he spent most the movie at some guys house who just stood there and insulted him. Are kings so fond of self-denigration that they pay people to make fun of them? I guess so because this was a historical documentary! I guess years of being treated like a god makes you pretty weird. I'm not sure how this one ended because I dozed off before the ending because after an hour the plot refused to progress. At least i got a pretty decent nap out of it, still 10$ for a nap is an outrage!




This came up in a google search for king

This movie really didn't really have any positive aspects to it. No plot, everyone spoke in british accents, some king really hates himself and talks stupid. And i see that this ran for 118 minutes? wow. They must think we're a bunch of clowns! The old people seemed pretty pleased but most of them are senile or deaf/blind so i really can't place a lot of confidence on their opinions!! Because of all the flaws I must give this movie my lowest possible rating, ** two stars and hope that you'll save your money.

Superman Returns (2006)

I found this movie in the dollar bin at the local DVD store and decided to give it a try. I thought it'd be a decent action flick and you can't lose for just a dollar... boy was i wrong!!

Things that cost $1 that I would rather have:

• candy bar
• a candle
• pack of paper
• a greeting card
• manila envelopes

The list could go on but I think i'd better get to the review! The film starts out introducing us to lex luther supermans arch-enimy. We know other bad guys like the Joker who is a pyscho maniac who kills people, magneto who wants to cleanse the world of non mutants, and the Green Goblin who has super strength and blows stuff up all the time. Then we have Lex Luther who is seen gaining his wealth by giving an old lady "pleasure". You know what I mean! This is SUpermans scaries villian??

lex luther is a bad guy because he's bald and likes old ladies like this one

Speaking of superman it takes like 35 minutes before he's even in the movie. Did they forget what the movie was about and all of a sudden teh director was like "uh oh! we forgot superman!"? Probably!

From here it gets better, but better brings it up to only just below the mediocre line. Lex builds this island out of kryptonite because he doesn't want to live near superman and superman decides to go there anyway and loses all his powers. LEx and and his friends start just kicking him and stuff and despite the fact that none of them are really above average in stregth superman like flies dozens of feet in the air with every punch. Does kyrptonite also make him weigh like 2 pounds?? I dunno...

Then all ogf a sudden we learn lois lanes kid is actually superman and not her husbands. What the heck???? Who wrote this thing? How the heck does an alien have a baby with a human?? Did anyone who wrote this film even once take a biology class in high school or are they all drop outs???? Also why is this movie almost 3 hours long??

Also if hes an alien shouldnt he look like this or something?

So from here superman saves the day but he almost dies first but guess what he doesnt really die!!

This movie deserves a low score for making a movie about lex luthors weird old lady fetish alone, but it also featured superman's son, unrealistic portrayal of aliens, his weird new plastic costume (maybe to look more like an action figure so kids will want the toys more?) and a full half hour of the movie that didnt even mention superman. This movie is so bad it probably will ruin the chance of them ever making a "Batman" movie. I give it my lowest possible rating, ** two stars.

Burlesque (2010)

My grandma surprised me yesterday by actually offering to take me to see a movie!!! I was surprised as heck! Instead of her blowing her taxpayer funded socials security checks on antiques and telethons she was actually going to something nice for someone else! I Guess she felt guilty about cancelling my allowence!

So then comes the next shock: she wants to see this movie called burlesque!! I knew i heard thtat name before so i told her to hold on a sec and ran to my computer and did a quick search. Burlesque was stripping!!!!! My grandma was going to take me to see a movie about (and most likely featuring) stripping!! That would mean I would be seeing boobs today. Suddenly everything seemed pretty OK in my book!!!

Boy was I wrong!!!!!!!!!!!!

We get there and sit down and Gradnma was so glad I came she actually bought me snacks and and a drink! I was begining to think it was time to drop her off at the old folks home when the movie began. What the heck?? Who makes a movie about stripping and fills it with old ladies and bloated weirdos?? WWas my grandma trying to torture me or someting?? 

this is one of the "hot ladies" featured in this disaster 

This movie featured nothing but eleberate sttage and dance numbers featuring some of the WORST songs i've ever heard. (i'm usually more interested in classical musc) 

this one has been left in the sun too long

The movie follows this annoying waitress who doesn't ever shut up who wants to go to LA and make someone listen to her yell-sing. We have to watch as this unlikable character works her way up to the top and sings at this place she's working. Some times i'd look over at my grandma and she'd be snapping her fingers to the songs and dancing a little. It was the worst day of my life.

There's not even any nudity in this "FILM". Worst peice of garbage ever made and I hope everyone involved falls down several flights of stairs! I give this peice of garbage my lowest possible score, ** two stars

I'm writing another letter to my congressman to ask him to seriously consider taking away my grandmas social security checks

Speed Racer (2008)

As I was going through my requests today to see which movie I would review I noticed someone had suggested the 2008 film "Speed Racer".

I have boycotted this "film" since it was first announced. Wachowski brothers, best known for their groundbreaking films like "Fargo", "No Country for Old Men", and "Oh brother, Where are thou?", decided to go in a little bit of a different direction with this action packed racing flick.

The reason I boycotted this absolute peice of garbage is because i refuse to watch movies that glamorize the use of drugs to enhance someone so they can win a race!!! Making this film about the abuse of performance enhancing drugs probably led to the 2009 catastrophie of Michael Phelps using marijuana to help him swim faster.

The olympics happened around the same time this movie came out on DVD. I doubt there was anything coincidental about all that.

There are also a few other problems I found with this movie. What the heck were the Wachowski brothers thinking?? After making arty films for college students to talk about, they made this one which was definately a departure from their style. I honestly don't knwo what they were thinking and it must have lost them a lot of money because they returned to form soon after.

Another obvious thing about this is it seems like they were trying to capitalize on the anime craze that was going on at the time by styling this movie like some sort of sci fi anime from Japan. What the heck? I'm surprised they didn't use their film technologie to make their eyes bigger and add those sweat drops on everyone!!! 

Oh a japanese movie, wait no it was made in ameracia!!!!

It may seem unfair to review a movie I haven't seen, but I don't want my money to go in some child raping drug trafficker's pockets by renting this and it's hard to argue the points i've come across. I doubt I even have to write this, but this film deserves my lowest rating, ** two stars.

Hard Ticket To Hawaii (1987)

aS mentioned in my last post, I'm on a mission to find at least ONE movie that I like. I'm taking suggestions from my beloved readers, who are aiding in my quest. Today's suggestion comes from some sick sadomasochist named Rick who suggested "Hard Ticket To Haiwaii". I asked people to recommend their favorite movies, but this prankster either has some sort of majer brain problems or sent me a dud on purpose to waste my time!



this jerk wasted my time!!!!


I've never even heard of this one before, and now I know why!!! Within the first minute we are introduced to a topless woman, in fact this film is filled with bikini clad and topless women. If I hadn't spent countless hours exposing myself to pornography i wouldnt be desensitized to all that and might have gotten at least some joy from the women.

Apparently all of Hawaii there are only like 5 residents and a few tourists. All of the island is policed by two dimwitted lesbians. I feel like I need to mention at this point that this is not a spoof movie like "scarry movie" and it's not a porno. It was actually in theaters.


Pictured above, the lesbian police officers.

Eventually the plot starts to slowly trickle in and some guys on a boat send a toy helicopter to the middle of some forest where the lesbians are hiking through. They find some bags on it and take it. Before they can leave some dudes jump them, they throw a stick and a chinese star a them and get away. When confronting their boss later he mentions that it looks like they had almost been killed. What the heck??? Did they have a 20 minute deadline when writing this thing??

There's also weird skits thrown in, like one where some lady meets up with a fast talking new york television director who attempted to rape her the previous night for lunch. When she mentions the attempted rape he says "that was last night this is today.There's also a scene where some guys dance around on a boat making fun of chinese people.  what the heck??? The movie box said that this was action adventure movie but it seems like its trying harder to be a comedy. But the real problem is the comedy isn't funny and the only action adventure part is a 5 minute frisbee throwing contest!!!



this guy has some pretty fancy moves, but it's not worth watching the whole movie for!!


The plot is the girls found diamonds on that helicopter and some BAD GUYS want them!! It also has stuff like snakes that have been tainted by cancer infested rats and really cheap spy equipment a sprinkled in to keep things "interesting".

This movie is filled with bad acting, bad jokes, unknown actors, and to top it off it was directed by the black sheep of the sadaris family. I hope that rick guy falls off a cliff!!! If it wasn't already obvious, I will be giving this movie my lowest rating, ** two stars.


Hopefully the next suggestion will be better!

Toy Story 3 (2010)

In order to score some easy cash, I volunteered to babysit my nephew. Since he's a kid i grabbed a copy of the Toy Story 3 DVD that came out today from a torrent site and headed over. I saw the first Toy Story fifteen years ago, it seemed like an OK movie but I was just a dumb kid so who knows. This movie definately wasn't "OK" It was quite the opposite! According to www.rhymezone.com words and phrases that can mean exactly the opposite as okay are disapprove and reject and i certainly disapprove of this reject!!

This movie has several flaws. The most obvious one is the fact that this movie is the most blatant excuse to sell toys to kids i've ever seen! A movie about a rag tag team of toys where they are contstantly showing off their features! I'm tempted to write a letter to my senator. 

this is my senator. remember to vote republican today!! pictured with him is his great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great great grandson.

Another obvious one is this one is another awful unnecessary sequel. Disney loves making sequels and as soon as they bought Pixar the sequels have begun to churn out. Coming next year Cars 2! I can't wait!!!!!!

Lets move on to the story. It's about a group of inanimate objects that are loyal to their owner and cross a long distance to find him, find many hardships, encounter evil toys and end up in the dump, only to be saved. Sound familiar? If you're thinking it does it's because its the exact same plot as The Brave Little Toaster!!!

All new movies are either remakes of things from the 80's or blatent rip offs of things from the 80s. Did they honestly think we wouldn't notice??

In the brave little toaster the appliances leave their house, have harsh travels, and eventually wind up in a place they think is good until they realize their new friends are actually evil and send them off to the dump. Later their master finds them and the appliances live happily ever after.

IT'S EXACTLY THE SAME!!!!!!!!!!!!

The only good that (almost) came out of this won was i convinced my nephew that growing up means getting rid of toys and moving on to grown up stuff. He's only 6 but I figured it's good to start early! Also his dad had given him all his vintage star wars toys from the 70's and since he wasn't needing them anymore i volunteered to take them off his hands. (time for ebay account!!! $$$$$$$$) I found a few of his dad's old college text books and traded them to him and bagged up the toys. When his dad finally decided to come home I grabbed my bag and headed out. Unfortunately he got all nosey when he saw his son ripping the pages out of his old textbooks and started asking questions. Now I'm not allowed to babysit anymore!!! GREAT!!!!

also could the pixar animated logo at the beginning of the movie be any longer??? it's almost its own feature length movie!

Because this is another souless cash grabbing story stealing sequel, and one that is invented to sell toys it's a no brainer to award this one with my lowest possinle score, ** two stars.

Dracula (1931)

The older you get the more you learn. I have recenly learned to never share your interests with anyone over the age of 50. If you read yesterdays post about Frankenstein you should know what I'm talking about. I tell her it was a great film and she believed me. Youll never guess what I came home to today. Not only did she pick up another black and white ancient film called Dracula she also gave me a book of poetry by some guy named Edger Poe. What the heck???? I seriously need to send a letter to the social security offices to let them know she's wasting our hard earned tax dollars!!!

The book went straight into the garbage but I decided to go ahead with the movie since I didnt have any better options. (my friend lazor is out of town for the rest of the week. Some friend!!!)

So this is like a bad version of the more recent bram stroker presents Dracula from the 90's. It seriously contains stuff like bats on strings, Dracula staring at the screen for minutes on end, and no background music AT All. I seriously fell asleep like 3 times and had to keep skipping back to parts I'd missed. Was this movie unfinished and rushed to theAters or did they just not care??? Also this one is also in black and white. that's one shade away from staring at a blank tv screen!!!

Just in case youre curious or think watching classic films will make you seem intellectual (it wont, you pretentious jerk!!!) i've summed up the movie in the following images:












There! Saved you time AND money. You're welcome!

To wrap things up, this really didn't have any redeeming qualities. Supposedly people love this movie but it shares all the same qualities as the bargain bin movies at your local Wal-Mart. It goes without saying that this "film" will revieve my lowest possible rating, ** two stars.

Frankenstein (1931)

oNCe word of me reviewing scary movies reached my grandma suddenly she's giving me all sorts suggestions. turns out theres no easy way to tell your grammie that her taste in movies stinks!!! luckily she cant actually read this because she cant work a computer and relies on me to print these out for her. (obviously i'll be skipping this one when i bring her my weekly prints)

so i come home today from the grocery store (i go there a few times a day to check all the coin slots on their coke, crane, pony ride ect machines) and find Frankenstein with a big bow on it sitting on my bed. Great! Since I didnt have any money to go to the theaters ( really want to see paranormal activity 2!) i decided why not and popped it in.i'm surprised my grandma actually got a dvd instead of vhs or like an old movie reel or something. (you never know!!!!)

so as you may or may not know this ones a real bore fest. i had to drink like a whole 2 liter of coke just to stay awake!  and like that movie Clerks it's in black and white. great. what the HECK happened with Ted Turners colorvision thing he was always talking about? did he miss one or what???




im as mad as you are ted, where the heck is my color??? i feel like im watching a movie on a gameboy or something

this one is about this unnamed scientist who creates a monster named Frankenstein. Not sure why the name was chosen but my guess is the film producers probably thought the name sounded scary or something.

so the scientist makes this monster, then him and his buddies just gang up on it and beat the crap out of it until it flips out and escapes. im guessing the writer of the film had a bad experience in high school and wrote this movie so people would feel sorry for him. Maybe this kind of stuff got you a hot GF in his day.

eventually the monster runs around and the townsfolk decide that it must die because its different. it grunts and yells and then theres this big climatic scene where they burn down a windmill and they assume the monster has died.

excuse me? where the heck is the horror??? did they think people would be scared because he's all weird looking? i don't get it! how did this movie become so popular? i guess because old people are senile or something.



despite the fact that its probably filled with romance, i would have rather seen the sequel, Bride of Frankenstein. the bride is hot as heck. def. wouldn't have any trouble staying a wake in that one! wonder if that actress is single???


because its utter lack of horror, thrills or chills, the absense of color, the weird name, the feel of a high school coming of age, the senseless killing of frankenstein and the lack of any real reason to sit through this peice of utter garbage i must give this "film" my absolute lowest rating, ** two stars.

Devil (2010)

Suge Knight Shyamalan may have dropped the ball with The Last Airbender, but i wasn't about to give up on him. After delivering psychological thriller "The Happening" and the spine tingling action/horror movie "Lady in The Water" i figured it'd be fine to go catch his latest offering "fDevil"

this is the first movie in the planned "The night chronicles triology" films where supernatural things happen in modern enviremonts (just like twilight zone/??) this one is called Devil.

guess what its about???

the DEVIL

instead of making it implied every five minutes someone says something like "uh oh! looks like the devil is here!" just in case anyone is in doubt what the movie is supposed to be about, and in case they didnt catch the movies title.

three things happen in this movie. 

1. a cop stands around making wild guesses (how the heck does he think of his stuff? did he even pass cop school? doubtful)
2. the people stand in an elevator as the lights flick

3. firefighters cut a whole in a the wall. this cutting takes the hole movie to happen and no progress happens unless the camera is on them. what are they doing??? taking breaks???

also how the heck did this movie cost 10$ million dollars? 80% of the movie is people standing in the elevator. theres no special effects and no big name actors. did Suge Knight Shyamalan need 9.5$ to jot the story down on a napkin??? that's the only thing i could figure out (but i'm open to suggestions!!!)

in the movie the devil is just some overweight lady. a metaphor about our capitalist society. while thats a good lesson and all i think that this devil would have been much scarier!!!

there's not really much more to say about this movie except don't go see it. just rent the happening if you're interested in some classic  Shyamalan. this movie obviously draws heavely from 2002's thriller "Phone Booth" and just sticks the devil and some poorly trained cops and firefighters in for some much needed comedic relief.  despite my initial excitement i cant recomend this one, and i must give it my lowest rating, ** two stars

Movie Review: Nightmare Before Elm Street (2010)

Since Halloween is coming up soon I will be doing a review of a horror movie EVERY DAY until Halloween is over.

Todays' reveiw is Nightmare Before Elm Street, another big movie produced by michael bay. One thing i've got to say is what an original story! I've never even thought of an idea like this before. being a fan of the horror genre im surprised it took until 2010 for a movie to focus on someone haunting you in your dreams. i couldnt sleep for the first week after seeing it!!!! and i dont think i was the only one!!

this isn't what freddie looks like in the movie, but what if??? i think more guys would have coughed up the 12$ to see it

now i did enjoy the originality of the story but there were some glaring flaws i couldnt overlook. first of all one of the actresses (Katie cassidy) was supposed to be like 15-17 in this movie, but honestly i had a hard time believing she was any younger than 30. Did she get held back a lot??? some backstory involving sitting out in the sun a bunch??? i dont knwo im baffled!!!!!! the other actors didnt seem much younger but they were at least pretty close


Katie Cassidy celebrating the film wrap for NBES (photo courtosy of New Line Cinema)

The other weird thing was the want to be "romeo and juilet" story. as if that story hasnt been done to death! The characters Nancy and freddie had a relationship but because of the age difference and because he was a janitor and she was from the upper middle class the parents forbid it. but it has a twist, the parents decide to burn freddie alive. what the heck??? little extreme huh? then freddie comes BACK FROM THE DEAD to be with his beloved and shes like uh ew no thanks burn face, ive got a new man now! Can you imagine? then she just straight up kills the poor guy. no idea what the writers were trying to accomplish by making the star character so unlikable.

so despite its originality it was weighed down by the above flaws. a quick note to the guy readers, there are no topless scenes with any of the ladies in this one dispite it being a horror movie, so if thats the kind of thing you rent a movie for, save your hard earned money. i really would like to give this a better score but as a film cridic i have intregity. i cant just give a high score for a "nice try". Because it fell so short i must give this movie my lowest score ever given, ** two stars.

Movie Review: Nowhere Boy (2010)

I didn't choose todays movie. I woke up early and ran to the local theater to get the early 5$ matinée. I'd overslept so I didn't have time to see what was playing so I asked the movie attendant to suggest one. I don't know why I trusted his opinion his opinion. He sat in his booth obviously high, I don't know if there was a dress code for the theater but he was wearing a tie dye shirt. He suggested I see "Nowhere Boy". I'd forgotten my glasses at home so I couldn't read what else was playing so I took his word.

Never let some burnt out hippie choose what movie you watch. This was some coming of age movie set in the 50's. The central character was a guy named john Lennon. Not really much to this character, just runs around and yells and punches people.

The movie starts with his uncle dying, and he spots some red haired girl at the funeral. The go on what looks like a date and you imagine this is his girlfriend but you find out soon it's his mom... what the heck???? at this point I popped out of the movie to grab a drink as i was feeling noxious.

So I come back and the movie is still playing, much to my dismay. It turns out he wants to play rock and roll so he grabs an acoustic guitar. what the heck? since when did acoustic guitars mean rock n roll? i google searched pantera and noticed they all had electric. did the writers do any fact checking? i'm guessing no.

which one looks like rock and roll? acoustic or electric? just one of the many problems with "Nowhere boy"

then at one point they're playing a "gig" with all acoustic instruments outside and there's this big crowd and even the people in the back are dancing. once again, no fact checking, without amplification there would have been no way for those in the back to hear them. terrible.

so his band the quarrymen gets some more members, john gets in trouble, and keeps moving in with his mom back to his aunt and repeat. finally there's this big showdown and his mom and aunt duke it out (finally some action) but its soon over and it just makes them friends.

at this point i just decided to cut my losses and leave the theater. i didn't find the lead character to be very interesting and as it was alluded in the beginning, and even the title, of the movie he seems to just keep going nowhere. wow a coming of age movie about a guy who never does anything. i'm guessing the script was mostly blank paper and they ad libbed based on whatever the directer felt like having them do.

because it's characters didn't feel real or even interesting, and because the movie tricks the audience into thinking the lead character was on a date only to reveal it was actually just him hanging out with his mom i must give this movie my lowest rating ever, ** two stars.

just a quick after thought: after being tricked into seeing that stinker i called the theater and made up some complaints about that hippy who suggested it to me and hopefully they fired him

never trust the opinion of anyone that looks even remotely like this

Movie Review: Salt (2010)

When I first heard about this movie I was pretty excited. A movie spin-off of Charlie and the Chocolate factory featuring Veruca Salt! I thought she was the most interesting side character of the movie and looked forward to learning more about her. I was pretty surprised to find out it was actually an action movie staring Angelina Jolie (Cyborg 2, Kung Fu Panda)

here's a guy checking out a newspaper ad for "Salt" (2010) . This photo was taken at the exact moment he realized the movie was an action movie, not a spin off from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

The story starts with Salt at work for the CIA she's talking spy talk with her spy buddies and then suddenly this Russian guy busts in and wants to talk to her. They say sure we have 26 minutes we can talk. They're informed he speaks "very little" English before they go in. Salt goes into the interrogation room and he tells her this long and elegantly told story about Russia stealing babies (all in english, plothole number one) This story causes everyone to freak out and Salt takes off her panties and jumps out a window.

Has anyone noticed how big angelinas lips are? What the heck?? I really don't like the sound of balloons popping when you fill them up with too much air and kept anticipating that noise while staring at her lips the whole movie. i didnt have time to grab the measuring tape, but i think maybe they were getting bigger as the movie went on. At some points when her lips we zoomed in on i had to look away.

just in case you've never heard of angelina jolie these are her lips. above average in size.

Then it got to a point that bothered me. They're trying to portey her as a bad guy so she's doing all this bad stuff like killing cops, presidents, and shooting spiders up with heroin. Wait... shooting spiders up with heroin??? Like just in case we didn't hate her already we'd be pissed that she was torturing bugs? I dunno kind of brought me out of the movie. So it goes on some more, she kills more people then finally she's arrested for like the 5th and final time and they take her on a helicopter ride to no place in particular or maybe it was so top secret they didn't even want the audience to know? Who knows?????

Then the end of the movie comes: she jumps out of the helicopter, swims to the shore, starts running. At this point you start getting excited because you think there's going to be a wild chace with the helicopter shooting nukes at salt or something, but instead you get the credits. Did they run out of ideas??? Someone spilled juice on the last few pages of the script? trying to set it up for a sequel? well they're not getting my money again, unless it turns out that this was Veruca Salt and it's revealed in the sequel and she visits grown up Charlie in his Choc factory and they kiss and get married, but that probably won't happen! (I did say "probably": if you're reading this, hollywood, make it happen!)

So because of the misleading title and adversing making me think this was related to Veruca Salt and because the sequel will probably just be her doing sick stuff to bugs and frogs and stuff I am forced to give this movie my lowest rating ever ** two stars.

Movie Review: Scott Pilgrim VS. The World (2010)

this is a Movie about Scott Pilgrum (Michael Cera) who has to versus the world.

I have to admit ive been looking forward to seeing this one! unfortunately i missed it in the theater. Having some spare time on my hands i headed to the video store this morning to get it. for some reason none of the local shops i went to had it (sold out? wow popular movie) I was about to give up and just go home and go back to sleep when something caught my eye. some guy i was walking by was selling new releases on a rug. wow! interesting business model. guess he wont have to worry about paying overhead. smart guy

needless to say i bought it and rushed home to watch it. pretty fascinating movie. The plot is Scott Pilgrum (Michael Cera) has to versus the world. turns out the world consists of 7 of his girlfriends exes? does that mean the rest of the cast is from outer space or mars? little bit confusing but this wasn't a normal movie so i suspended my beliefs. it doesn't really get into it much but i think his girlfriend Ramona Flowers (Mary Elizabeth Winstead) is Clementine Kruczynski from eternal sunshine of the spotless mind making this a prequel? I guess she ended up going back to new york later? I don't know but why does hollywood keep making prequels? (i assume it's a prequel because Jim Carry's character Joel doesn't show up which means they haven't dated yet)

It's also impossible to ignore the visual design of this movie. Some stuff was really cool while some stuff i just didn't get. Like all the weird russian writing all over the movie? was this movie made for russia? no wonder it didnt do very well in theaters.

what does this say? i don't want to have to pause the movie and run out and buy a russian translation book!

Most visual effects were really cool and some were just confusing. every now and then there would be a silhouette of someone walking across or something. i know its supposed to be a very stylized movie but that just doesn't make sense.

who are these people? are they allusions to upcoming exes scott must fight? i don't know maybe this movie is too arty for me.

I had high hopes for this but unfortunately hollywood has put out another dud. Another unnecessary prequel and weird and distracting special effects leave me no choice but to give this my lowest rating ** two stars