I, Robot (2004)

When I was in school one time my teacher made us read this book called I, Robot. I was pretty excited at the time! A book about robots instead of old english literature about girls falling in love with horses or whatever. Unfortunately, like most books this one let me down! It was just a bunch of short stories about scientists deducting things. Boring! And with out pictures it was impossible for me to stay interested!!!

So there i was today inspecting the dollar bin at best Buy, when I came across this movie! I had finally collected about 125 pennies and decided to grab a dollar bin movie to review and this one seemed to be the best of the bunch! The clerk made some snide comments about my method of payment and I made a mental note to write a letter to "Mitch"es manager.

Guess what! This movie isn't boring like the book! They completely removed the entire story and just kept the name! The only thing they left in from the book was this character Dr. Calvin who was some old lady psychiatrist and they turned her into a hot chick. Probably the best book to movie adaptation I have yet to see!

For a second there I thought this was going to be a good movie! I was excited!  But then I noticed that they kept talking about converse shoes. There was like a 10 minute scene where Will Smith was excited about getting some "vintage" 2004 converse and talks about how good they are for a long time. Then random people every 20 minutes in the movie stop and talk to him about how cool his converse are. What the heck??? Was this a commercial or a movie????



Check out this image. Now you've seen most of I, Robot.


Also I guess Will smith either forgot to read the script or had spent too much time doing his Fresh Prince show because he just kept acting like the Fresh Prince. Was this originally supposed to be Fresh Prince the movie and at the last second they changed their minds and just did CG around it to make Will Smith look like he was acting in a robot movie? His boss did kind of look like Uncle Phil...





Then at the end we find out that Will Smith is actually robocop! What the heck??? Could they just not afford to pay to use the robocop license or something??? It became really confusing as I was trying to figure out if this was I, Robot, Robocop or The Fresh Prince of bellair the Movie. Then also at the end everyone had flashlights. Like everyone!! Where did they all come from???? Also they bothered to make the old lady into a hot girl, and include a shower scene, but made the shower to foggy to see anything???

Despite being excited that they had fixed the original flawed novel it turns out that the writers of the script weren't any better at putting a good story together!!! Because of the confusion of trying to figure out what franchise they were working with and for 90% of this "film" being a commercial for converse shoes I have to dish out my lowest possible rating, ** two stars!

Movie Review: Nowhere Boy (2010)

I didn't choose todays movie. I woke up early and ran to the local theater to get the early 5$ matinée. I'd overslept so I didn't have time to see what was playing so I asked the movie attendant to suggest one. I don't know why I trusted his opinion his opinion. He sat in his booth obviously high, I don't know if there was a dress code for the theater but he was wearing a tie dye shirt. He suggested I see "Nowhere Boy". I'd forgotten my glasses at home so I couldn't read what else was playing so I took his word.

Never let some burnt out hippie choose what movie you watch. This was some coming of age movie set in the 50's. The central character was a guy named john Lennon. Not really much to this character, just runs around and yells and punches people.

The movie starts with his uncle dying, and he spots some red haired girl at the funeral. The go on what looks like a date and you imagine this is his girlfriend but you find out soon it's his mom... what the heck???? at this point I popped out of the movie to grab a drink as i was feeling noxious.

So I come back and the movie is still playing, much to my dismay. It turns out he wants to play rock and roll so he grabs an acoustic guitar. what the heck? since when did acoustic guitars mean rock n roll? i google searched pantera and noticed they all had electric. did the writers do any fact checking? i'm guessing no.

which one looks like rock and roll? acoustic or electric? just one of the many problems with "Nowhere boy"

then at one point they're playing a "gig" with all acoustic instruments outside and there's this big crowd and even the people in the back are dancing. once again, no fact checking, without amplification there would have been no way for those in the back to hear them. terrible.

so his band the quarrymen gets some more members, john gets in trouble, and keeps moving in with his mom back to his aunt and repeat. finally there's this big showdown and his mom and aunt duke it out (finally some action) but its soon over and it just makes them friends.

at this point i just decided to cut my losses and leave the theater. i didn't find the lead character to be very interesting and as it was alluded in the beginning, and even the title, of the movie he seems to just keep going nowhere. wow a coming of age movie about a guy who never does anything. i'm guessing the script was mostly blank paper and they ad libbed based on whatever the directer felt like having them do.

because it's characters didn't feel real or even interesting, and because the movie tricks the audience into thinking the lead character was on a date only to reveal it was actually just him hanging out with his mom i must give this movie my lowest rating ever, ** two stars.

just a quick after thought: after being tricked into seeing that stinker i called the theater and made up some complaints about that hippy who suggested it to me and hopefully they fired him

never trust the opinion of anyone that looks even remotely like this