Superman Returns (2006)

I found this movie in the dollar bin at the local DVD store and decided to give it a try. I thought it'd be a decent action flick and you can't lose for just a dollar... boy was i wrong!!

Things that cost $1 that I would rather have:

• candy bar
• a candle
• pack of paper
• a greeting card
• manila envelopes

The list could go on but I think i'd better get to the review! The film starts out introducing us to lex luther supermans arch-enimy. We know other bad guys like the Joker who is a pyscho maniac who kills people, magneto who wants to cleanse the world of non mutants, and the Green Goblin who has super strength and blows stuff up all the time. Then we have Lex Luther who is seen gaining his wealth by giving an old lady "pleasure". You know what I mean! This is SUpermans scaries villian??

lex luther is a bad guy because he's bald and likes old ladies like this one

Speaking of superman it takes like 35 minutes before he's even in the movie. Did they forget what the movie was about and all of a sudden teh director was like "uh oh! we forgot superman!"? Probably!

From here it gets better, but better brings it up to only just below the mediocre line. Lex builds this island out of kryptonite because he doesn't want to live near superman and superman decides to go there anyway and loses all his powers. LEx and and his friends start just kicking him and stuff and despite the fact that none of them are really above average in stregth superman like flies dozens of feet in the air with every punch. Does kyrptonite also make him weigh like 2 pounds?? I dunno...

Then all ogf a sudden we learn lois lanes kid is actually superman and not her husbands. What the heck???? Who wrote this thing? How the heck does an alien have a baby with a human?? Did anyone who wrote this film even once take a biology class in high school or are they all drop outs???? Also why is this movie almost 3 hours long??

Also if hes an alien shouldnt he look like this or something?

So from here superman saves the day but he almost dies first but guess what he doesnt really die!!

This movie deserves a low score for making a movie about lex luthors weird old lady fetish alone, but it also featured superman's son, unrealistic portrayal of aliens, his weird new plastic costume (maybe to look more like an action figure so kids will want the toys more?) and a full half hour of the movie that didnt even mention superman. This movie is so bad it probably will ruin the chance of them ever making a "Batman" movie. I give it my lowest possible rating, ** two stars.